Merry Christmas!!

November 1, 2011

So this is the first time that I have not written a blog post in a very long time. I usually try to keep up weekly on them for both my own sanity and to also tell you what I have been up to, but I am not really sure what happened with this month. It has been a month since my last blog post and actually it has been really hard to try and sit down and write this. I am not sure exactly why either because it is not like something horrible has happened although Claire did finally leave me, so this might count as a horrible event although she has found love once again and I think is coming back in February for another long haul possibly. This would be amazing although she would be living on Zanzibar which while it would be awesome is still a trek away so I really would not see her that much. But anyways this month has been crazy in a very good way but any time I went to write any of it down I just had a really hard time like I just wasn’t ready yet or I had writers block, not really sure but it is all going to come out now as I have a layover in Ethiopia which I have to say is surprisingly cold at the moment. Another odd thing is that I am waiting in the terminal and almost everyone is black which I am of course used to but I just thought that since I am going to the US I would see more white people. Also a lot of them are gorgeous. Also I am carrying a 2 ½ foot tall giraffe with me throughout this journey so this must be getting some laughs from some people but I am really excited about it, I think it is going to Andrew’s house warming gift.

So lets tell ya about this month, it has been a whirlwind as usual. I started out the month with a good bye party for Claire which I think I already talked about and then I headed up to Tanga which is on the coast for a Training of Trainers seminar. I am going to be teaching the new volunteers so I got a trip up north which was awesome because I did not necessarily associate the north with happy times. I mean homestay is such a weird time. So much is going on and I also do not like to visit places that I have left. Not sure if this makes sense but I rarely go back to places I used to work and so on and so forth I am not sure why, I just do not. Anyways Tanga was AMAZING. I had a great time with amazing people. I got to go swimming in the ocean which of course was amazing and then I ate a ton of good food. I had coconut crab which was huge, I expected maybe a claw or 2. I swear I got to whole crabs, all for like $6. Ya got to love the sea. Then me and my Friend Rebecca saw some monkeys so of course we went to look at them and right as she went to take a picture they started running at us. So we ran like hell. Not sure if they would of actually hurt me but who wants to take that chance I have enough problems with animals as it is. After this I went to Dodoma because we are planning a girl’s conference with about 8 other volunteers. I am really excited about this because this means a lot of interaction with other volunteers which is always fun and the girls will get to see a new place and meet some new people.

As for work, I have been really busy. Randi and me got 15 boxes of books each from an NGO
called PEN TRUST. It was amazing, we were thinking that we would get like a box or 2 but no we got like 700 books each. So I think are secondary schools are on cloud 9 at the moment with this one. And to top it all off, it was all free we just had to go pick them up. Then just before I left my chickens started showing up. I got the cocks first. They each weigh about 2 K and are going to grown to about 7 each which means that I am going to be really, really scared of them. Because as it is already, they surround me anytime I walk outside and start attacking me. I really wish I was making this up but it is the truth. I feel like I am under house arrest. I also have reason to believe that they think my feet are food because of the green nail polish. I also go the chicks. So at the moment there are 114 chickens living at my house with 84 arriving while I am out of the country. Hopefully everything goes well while I am gone. Which I think it will. They seem to have it under control and are really pulling their weight at the moment which is really good.

On to other things, in Dar I saw 2 horrible things this month. First I saw a mob justice killing. I was at a restaurant and saw a bunch of people running after this man. He was running and running and tons of people were running after him. They surrounded him and killed him. The police showed up with guns and pretty much threw the body in the back of the truck and continued to drive. I was with one of my friends who was a police man and he said that that would not make the paper and a few of those happen every day which is really sad. Then yesterday night while I was waiting for my dinner a fight broke up down the road. All of a sudden people started running to fight, luckily the fight was broken up but I saw a few people running that way with machete’s in their hands. It’s a rough world.

I also walked to and from my house to Mpwapwa one day. It about killed me. I just am not that in shape. But I think I am going to try and run the ½ marathon. I think Randi and Dana talked me into this. I have a lot of training to do if I am going to do this but I think it would be really fun and I would love to cross this off my bucket list. The only problem I am having with this is that is so FREAKIN hot. I swear it just keeps getting hotter. Bring on the rain I really need some new weather. Also we went 8 days last week without water. I am not sure how I am going to explain this to people if the future. I live such a crazy life can you even imagine try to tell people about this. This absolutely trumps the I walked 5 miles up hill in the winter to school. I might even say this trumps Grandma Preston and Grandma Witte’s walk to school but not sure that is a fight I could win.

As for research, I think it is still going. I have to say I think I have become a very good volunteer because I just keep trying to put off my research and push it out of my mind. Still do not have a good reason why, I am just that good and procrastinating. I really want to do research I am just really scared of screwing it up really, really bad. I know this is all my own fault and it is mostly in my head but still that is a lot of pressure. I would rather keep my pressure at a minimum and just keep pushing it off at least until I get back.

November 19, 2011

So I am back in TZ and as usual have mixed feelings about the entire thing. It is weird I was all gung-ho about PC before I left but then I came home and of course and not feeling it as much. I think this might also have something to do with the fact that my chicken project went to shit while I was gone. I do understand that it was partly my fault and partly the women’s groups fault. But the thing is I gave them every resource at their disposal before I left. I left them numbers of the vet, agriculture officer, money for medicine, and even a phone in case something happened and still I think over ½ the chickens died. It just sucks from both sides but I am trying to look forward. I do realize that my expectations for what I want to accomplish have already gone down more. I now am second guessing most of the projects that I still have planned to do that involve other people. I know that sounds ridiculous but I do not want to do things that are not going to work. Although I knew when I started the chicken project that this was a possibility and really my main goal was to get the chickens out of the houses, so I guess I achieved that goal but I am just really discouraged now.

But I was guess it is not that big of a deal, I am getting ready to switch gears and try to put myself more into a school set of mind and focus on my research and writing a first draft of my research paper. Really need to buckle down and try and work on it because that would be a really good use of my time I think.

I think I am also glad that I went home for a second time because it gives me a chance to breath and take a look at what I am doing and what I still want to accomplish. So from that standpoint again it was good that I came home and of course it was a BLAST. I got to see a ton of people, go to Ashleigh’s wedding, and meet the newest Witte.

Also exciting news, I am going to be a bridesmaid twice next year, once for my friend Lindsey and then for Jenna Barr who also asked me to be her maid of honor which is pretty cool. Just thought I would let everyone know if they didn’t already. There are going to be a lot of weddings next year and hopefully I will be home for all of them, cross your fingers.
Also this is going to be interesting because I told all my villagers that I was going to the south of the country and not home. I just did not want to have to deal with all the questions and everything but not sure yet how to explain my new watch and sneakers. I think I am going to just tell them that my mom sent me a package. I wonder if they will believe me. Also freaking out a little about my Swahili for some reason it seems like forever compared to other times when I have left.

Being home I also got asked a lot what I planned to do after I finish school and I have to say that is a good question I really have no idea. I had the idea for a few days of going to get my PHD but really I have no clue so not sure if that is really the best idea. Doesn’t that just put off the inevitable of having to find a job but I would at least be qualified for something. Then today I was thinking that maybe I would like to live in Alaska or CO so then I was thinking what types of jobs I want to do and what I want to work with. Again no clue. I do know that I like when things are more analytical and really liked working in the chemistry labs so I was trying to think of what I would like to do. And then the question of government vs private comes up with just adds more decisions. And worst yet I do not feel qualified to even work at McDonalds at the moment. I feel like all that great chemistry and forestry knowledge that I had just flew away which stinks. So if you are still reading this I think your head probably is spinning as much as mine. SO in the end I still have no clue what I want to do or be when I grow up. Then you have to add that I do love GR and would love to live there but I also think it is the place I want to settle down and I am not sure if I am ready to do that yet. The world is just so big. I do know that I do not what to do international work I think and do not want to live overseas for long periods of time but that is all that I have. And knowing me I could probably be persuaded back into it. Not sure how my brain works but I always end up remembering the good stuff and completely forget the bad stuff which I guess is a good thing until I end up in PC again or something. 

November 22, 2011

I think I have had the worst jet lag ever here. All I can tell ya is that I have slept almost every waking minute since I got off the plane and am sleepy the rest of the time. Just cannot seem to get used to the time. This of course also puts me up at the crack of dawn. But at least it gives me time to think and everything before the day gets going. As I have said when I went home and here, I have mixed feelings about being in PC. I am like a roller coaster when it comes to everything. My mom would also tell you I am sure that it kills her because some days I want to come home that instance and other days I want to extend. Not sure how that works but it does. I think it has something to do with being wrapped up in this PC and culture and wanting to accomplish so much, which is very interesting considering I have hardly accomplished anything at least when it comes to projects, I think thought from learning a new culture stand point I am going good. I mean I cannot speak the language fluently but I can get by and get what I want, I can cook their food, and have friends in the village. I think I am teaching them my culture but not as well. Certain things just are not worth it. Like how we do not like being called fat. I have explained it a few times but they are just so proud when they tell me how fat I am how am I to tell them we do not like that. But I think I am doing an ok job of explaining American culture and leading by example. The only problem is I swear some days it is so hard to get out if the house to even walk around and talk with people in general.

So after much thinking and everything , I guess at least at the current moment I am ok with my situation I mean I am learning some pretty interesting things. I would like however to be more effective at doing projects, but I have kind of giving up on that. I have already decided the last 3 projects I am going to do and then I am done. It is really nerve racking. I am also only doing these projects with certain groups. I know this sounds bad, but it is already killing me with these groups, I cannot take on any more and at least I know these people I can somewhat rely on.

When I got back to the village I found out just how much chickens have died. 100 to be exact. That leaves about 60 still alive. I have been kicking myself all up and down trying to figure out how it could have been done differently. Before I left I gave them money for medicine, a phone with voucher to call people, plenty of food and water, and the numbers of any possible person that might be of use to them. And I still wondering if it would have made a difference if I would have been here, but judging how I reacted to one bird just being sick, I do not think it would have been good. I really think I would have had a major melt down on the degree of last year. It just sucks because there is not much else that could be done, but in the matter of days I went from a good project that I was proud of to I am not sure what at the moment.

So with this project not going as planned and then hearing of other volunteers projects that are also not going as planned, I have to say that I am not big on the project band wagon at the moment. It just stinks, you think you are going to be able to do something but really in the end what most people want is things for free and to not have to do anything to get them. It just sucks.

Also here is something else to add from my village, my mweyekiti (mayor) while I was gone attempted to sell my chickens luckily Jessica was here to stop him and then today he tried asking me for money, a lot of it. Again Jesscia saw my reaction and said just to say that I did not have any. It just sucks. This paired with before I left people were asking why I was not going to do such and such projects only to have to tell them that I actually had planned on it but nobody followed though I what I needed from them. From that stand point, it almost stinks, knowing that the bulk of what I am doing is worthless but what are ya going to do, you have to at least try, although I have to say as a result of trying so much with little result I think it has definitely jaded me some and I at some times do not speak the greatest of TZ but at the same time there are also a lot of good things here. But at the moment I have to say the bad overwhelms the good.

So as of right now, this leaves me to try and work hard on my research and get the bulk of it done in the next few months while also trying to do some small projects. I really want to have a lot of my research project done and in somewhat of a rough draft form before I get back so that it is more of a revision type thing than a O GOD thing. Hopefully that works out. I think I am almost ready to start the actual research so that is good, although of course at the same time scary as hell.

As for how I am coping being the village, it kind of sucks at the moment. I am hoping that the new volunteers will want to hang out more and do things because at the moment nobody really wants to do anything. Paul is more of a loner but I think I might try and get him to play cards once a week and then Randi I think I have lost to the village again. Although this time it is to a boy and a farm which is good for her, but I am pretty sure I will never see her now unless I go to her village, which is fine but I do not necessarily want to be around TZ and in the village when I leave mine. And Jake and Claire have left so that kind of sucks but hopefully some new volunteers will come in. we could use some fresh faces. Tanya is usually down for doing something it just stinks because we live kind of far from each other. I am not sure how she does it, she lives off by herself. She copes with it really good, not sure I could do it with no one around.

November 23, 2011

Still not quite over the jet lag but that is alright because I actually slept through the night last night. Something that very rarely happens here. Not sure when that will happen again though. I talked to the man that bought all my chickens today and he said that some of them might have had a disease but how it spread was because so many chickens were in such a small area. That really sucks. It sucks too because when he told them they need more space, they refused to believe him. Old Jessica tried to tell them that to but I am not really sure what has happened but I get the vibe not everyone cares to much for her. Not really sure what happened there. But anyways they said they were not going to do anything until I came back which stinks. Why can’t they think for themselves and why do I have to hold there hands the entire way it just stinks.

Also not really sure yet what is happening for thanksgiving so far plans have been all over the place which is fine but I really want to be with people and hang out so not sure what is going to happen. I do know that I am not going to be alone though because I cannot imagine that will be good for me, especially after being home. So at the moment it might be in a hotel room in Dodoma or at my friend Tanya’s house. Not sure yet depends on certain people and what they decide they want to do.

I have also come to the conclusion that I have a really hard time saying no to people and that I always try to make everyone happy which is probably good but it is making me insane, this thanksgiving planning is turning into way to much effort when all I wanted to do was spend it with people.

Also really, really love my kindle. I am having a hard time putting it down to do actual work. Luckily not to much actual work is needed at the moment considering I am at a standstill with my chickens and not really sure where to go from there.

December 10, 2011

It has been a long time since my last blog, mostly because I was really just too busy and entertaining people. So I will try and get everything in. I went to Tanya’s house for Thanksgiving which was really fun because I have not been to her house yet so that was nice to visit. We did not do to much, mostly I read my Kindle and we hung out. It is interesting how different our villages and lives are considering we are both here doing about the same thing.
Then I had 2 new volunteers come and stay with me for a week which was awesome. I showed them what it was like to live in a village and tried to give them a few pointers. Not sure if they were helpful or not. We went on a hike everyday in my mountains and then did yoga at night. It was great. I probably also ate better at my site than I ever had. It was a blast, I need to get more people over to my house, it is so much fun.

Then Tanya and me went up to Tanga to teach the new class about working with people in there community. It was really great but really hard to answer some of their questions and give them an idea of what it is really going to be like because it is so different for everyone. Also really crazy to look and see what I was like when I first got here. I really wish I was that way now. Now I think I have a very negative view of aid and TZ, but more on that later. It was great but I never thought I would be so excited to get back to Dodoma, it is so humid and hot up there.

I talked to my dad and I think he is coming the end of Feb and we are going to run a ½ marathon together. Or at least start it together. I am pretty sure that he is going to kick my butt, but either way it is going to be great. I also think Stephi might think that we are running up the mountain. I really hope she continues to think this.

OK so my mind is really f-ed up at the moment. I left Dodoma today to come back to the village and then whole time all I could think of how I am not doing anything or making a difference anywhere. And how I do not want to do any projects because nothing is going to work and I do not think they use the knowledge that I give them at all. I just do not know I feel kind of like I am doing nothing here and then I think of what people in the village think of me. Do they think I have done anything. I mean they gave me this house to live in to help better the community and I honestly am not sure if I have helped at all. I know PC has 3 goals and only the first is about development but it is hard to think about it that way. I mean what am I doing here if they do not want my help. I then went to Mpwapwa and had a discussion with Mathayo about this. He did not necessarily help the situation because he is just as frustrated. He thinks that the gogo people are just really lazy or at least ok with living how they have lived forever. But how can that be if they asked for a PC volunteer. I cannot figure it out. And then I think with the projects that I have done did I really help them at all or was it me doing what I wanted. Did I really give them what they wanted and need. And honestly I can not answer this and it is sad to say that it is almost to late. I mean I am still going to do a few projects but really there is not that much time left at least for anything big. I am not sure what I expected coming into PC but this was not it which is crazy because I really did not know what to expect but then again I am not really sure why/how I ended up here. I mean I really do like it because it was a good way to get my masters but at the same time why am I getting my masters. I have no clue what I am going to do and really I am not sure if I am qualified to do anything after being here for 2 years. Sure I can survive in a different culture and country but how does that cross over to work. I am not sure. I feel like everything I have learned as melted away. Not really sure where this is going, I think I am just rambling. But anyways I got back to site and I am still struggling with what to do with village and how to help better at least one person’s life. But it is crazy I am not as stressed as I thought I would be being back here. But then again it is only the first day. I also think this has something to do with Claire being gone to, although Randi is still here. It is just not the same. We are going two different ways without PC service and she is really busy with her own problems and such. After all of this I still think I am glad that I am doing PC but I have to say does it really have to be this hard, I really think that there are better ways to go about this.

The other thing that is bothering me is I am not sure what my thoughts on AID are anymore. Before coming here I thought that it was a great thing but I did not really know anything about it. I just figured they helped people better their lives but now I am not sure if it is such a good thing. I mean there are good things that come out of aid but at the same time I kind of think there has to be a better way to help people. But a lot of people think that just nobody has come up with a better way to help people better themselves. But then I think do these people really need to better themselves. Would it be so bad if we left them as they were and let them live their lives how they want to. I mean my village seems happy with the way things are.

Another thing that started all of this is old Jessica asked one of the volunteers for money. I am not sure what to make of this yet. Tanya said that maybe she understood wrong but I really think that if I understand that sentence most people do as my Swahili is not that good but I could be wrong. But this brings me to what do I do about this. I disappoints me so much I just do not understand why she would do this, she knows that I do not give out money. I saw her once after this and I just got a pit in my stomach I just do not know what to do. I am going to try and just forget it or possibly just avoid her but I just cannot believe that this happened.

Also young Jessica planting my whole garden while I was in the shower. I cannot believe her she is like superman. I wish I could be as good a friend to her as she is to me. She is amazing. I also wish I had the vocabulary to say how I felt but hopefully she gets it. She has to be one of the best things about this village and I can honestly say that if she was not here I would not be here. She helps me so much. She is the one that also told me one day when I was crying in her house that my work here was not done yet. She defiantly is a gift from God.
Sorry this was a lot of rambling but I feel a lot better and a lot more clear which is really really good because I have not be feeling so hot about how everything is going here and honestly I am really happy that I have my research here because it defiantly keeps me here and keeps me going. It gives me a reason to stay.

Also I got home and my house was locked from the inside because I apparently shut the door to hard. So instead of trying to figure away to unlock it we just knocked a hole into the door. So now I have a huge hole in the side of my door. Wonder what kind of animals I am going to attract.

December 12, 2011

I am not sure why this, but I have not been able to turn my computer on at night the last 2 nights to blog. I am not sure why this is, I have all these thoughts in my head I just find myself having a hard time turning my computer on. Luckily I needed to finish my homework today so I thought that I would blog first.

Things are going good in the village. I am feeling a little better about being here. I am still trying to figure out my projects and everything but things are looking up. It just stinks that I am not sure what I can and cannot get done here. I know that I have lots of time here still but at the same time everything takes so long that I do need to think about time at the same time. So yeah still have a lot of thinking to do.

After 2 days of laundry and cleaning my house, I almost have it back to normal although looking in the past I have decided that there is nothing normal about living here. I have never had one of those schedules to tell me what I am going to do on which day although I really wish I have more of a schedule because I think that would make me feel better or at least give me some purpose at the moment. Luckily I have the next 2 days to finish my homework and figure out projects. After that I am not sure what I am going to do but that will keep me busy for a bit and then I also have to work out everyday so there is something else. I am only up to 3 miles but it feels good so hopefully the miles will just keep on coming although I am finding it hard to wake up in the mornings. Not sure why, I think it might have something to do with the fact that it is so quite here and a little chilly which I really like but also I think a little of it is that I am in a rut and am just thinking what is the point. I know this is not the case but I cannot seem to get myself out of this. I know there are people here that want to do and accomplish things, this chicken project has just upset me more than I thought. I thought that I could fool myself into thinking that we did perform the goals and everything but I still have in the back of my mind that that there are lots of chickens dead. And I know this not necessarily my fault but at the same time I feel like I could of helped if I was here so that is kind of weighing me down. And it probably doesn’t help that it is Christmas time. I think Christmas is going to be good this year, we are going to a missionaries house up north which should be fun. Tanya went last year and said it was really nice and fun and reminded her of being with her family so I am really excited for that. I then thought I had plans for the new year, but now I am not so sure. So stuff has come up so now I am not really sure what I want to do.

I am kind of all over the place if you cannot tell. But I am still trudging a long. I really want to start my research and get that done with too. I cannot believe how long it is taking but I know this is my fault because I am so slow at getting things done. I just want to make sure I get it done in time so that if I find out that I forgot something, I can fix it before
I leave and have not messed up all of my research and data.

It IS REALLy weird how you start out the day in one mood and then you switch it. This morinign I wanted nothing more than to leave Africa forever and not return. I was on the verge of tears and honestly really scared that I was falling back into a depression and what I was like last October. But it is crazy instead of running from everything, I stayed in my village and worked through things. I then went over to young Jessica’s and this made me feel a whole lot better. I just do not understand how I can be so all over the place and want to leave so bad one minute and then finding myself thinking how could I ever leave this place. I have a little Dr. Jeykl and Mr. Hyde in me I think. But what ever happened, I worked through it and feel a ton better. I really hope this wasn’t a fluke and this continues.

December 15, 2011

It is crazy how all the days run together and so much can happen. Yesterday I had my women’s group meeting and I am somewhat back on cloud 9 with them. I am not sure if they are really that genuine or not but we planned some more projects and I see good things in our future. I really hope I am right because the chicken loss was enough almost to have me throw in the towel. So we will see. I think that they are going to attempt to make and sell the soap that I taught them to make a bit ago because they said that they want to by the peanuts, corn, and sorghum at a low price and sell at a high. Which I think is great idea and they came up with it all on their own. I think that is great but of course there is a lot of talk so we will see what their actions are. Me and Randi went in to town today and got fuel efficient stoves made which actually turned out to be a lot more expensive than I would have figured. But I am really excited to make them because I think it is actually something that could really benefit them and could help them make life a little easier. I guess we will have to see what the first one looks like and how good or bad this project goes, but at least it gives me something to look forward too.

Randi also came to my village last night which was awesome because I love seeing and hanging out with her. I have to say I am actually really blest with the region and everything that I got. I have great friends and actually a really nice view when there is rain but it can also be a nightmare and I am sure other volunteers in TZ will tell you how glad they are that they did not get my site which is partly true but at the same time you obviously make site what it is and usually everyone falls in love with their site no matter how good or bad it is.

My body is also in shabbles today. Not sure what happened but in my preparation for my dad and mine’s half marathon my body turned on me at one point and now it feels like death. Luckily I am still hanging out with Randi so I know that she will make sure I get out of bed tomorrow morning to run. Which I also have to do anyways because my dad is beating me already in miles run. How can he do that, shouldn’t I be able to run circles around him seeing that I am half his age. But apparently age has nothing to do with it, this might also be why betty and all those other people were able to pass me on the bike trip. Not sure if there is anything worse than a 70 year old grandma leaving you in the dust as you try to bike up a hill. Although I did have a ton of fun on the bike trip, it was so much fun.

Also it rained so much as so fast yesterday, that I thought for a minute I was in the middle of a snow storm and of course it made me so so happy until I realized Oh yeah I live in TZ. But it was great because now my tank is full and I have so much water. On cloud 9 again with another thing. How my mood changes so often I will never know. I will be really happy when I return home and my moods all go back into check but it is kind of nice that you can become super super happy all of a sudden but it is also horrible when it goes the other way. Luckily I think I am back in control of my feeling and everything at least for a while. I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to do still. I still have not done my research which really scares me but I think I still have plenty of time I am just worried as usual about it. Also I have to say that as ready as I am to leave already, I must not be as ready as I think because I still find myself thinking about the future here and how wonderful of a life that I have and how amazing it is to live here, so I think I am just on crack as usual and seem to not really have a firm grasp on what exactly I want. Or maybe I just want to much and it is so easy to go back home to what I know, I just do not know.

Another hole ended up in my house again today. I just cannot understand it, first off nothing in this country is built very well, my house included. Today Jessica took a pipe to it and now I have 2 holes in my house. One for if my door looks itself again and another if it rains hard. Which also means I just increased my chances significantly about sharing my house with others, hopefully dad’s best friend doesn’t make his way into my house too.

December 16,2011

Woke up this morning and went for a run with Randi. It was really fun to have someone to run. We talked as we ran which was great because I do not think that I have done that since cross country in high school is was great. Then me and Randi made food and then went around her village and hung out with some villagers. They had a big flea market today so we went and walked around a little bit but it was really intimidating with all of the people especially to when most of them have been drinking. So of course I had a lot of selective hearing which is good now but is going to be really bad when I get back home.

December 17,2011

I came back from Randi’s village today and I had to stand for 2 hours. I really thought I was going to passout. I am really glad that I did not because that would have been really embarrassing but it was crazy I was having a really hard time breathing and I am not sure why.
I then got into town and waited in true TZ fashion for Mathayo. It took him 3 hours to get to the market. Crazy how time is all over the place for people but it turned out great because we went to the carpenter and I got a frame to make fuel efficient stoves. I am really excited.
I have to say it is really crasy though. I just cannot understand my moods. I go from wanting to get out of here right this minute to wanting to stay here a while longer. This emotional roller coaster is killing me at the moment. I came back and hung out with young Jessica though and it was really really fun. I have such a good time talking with her. She understands me so well. Today we were talking about how life here is just so hard and it is hard to get a head. It just sucks. I am trying to help her out but she is right there is just a lot to do and really not that many business opportunities in the village. I do not know how I am going to help her yet but I really want to help her because she helps me every day and is like a older sister/ mother to me. I would do anything for her. I just am not sure what the best thing to do for her yet is. I told her she needs to relax and rest a little every now and then but her response is I still have this, this, and this to do. Which she is right, but it just stinks.

I watched the Family Stone last night which might explain my mood a bit. I love this movie but it makes me miss home and everyone way to much. I cannot wait until next Christmas already at Grandma’s and Uncle Jerry’s. I know it is a long ways a way but I am really excited for it already anyways.

December 20, 2011

Not really sure what is going on but I am having a hard time blogging every night. My mind is fine until I go to bed and turning on my computer is the last thing I want to do. It is really weird. Also I think has to do with the fact that I have been reading on my kindle a lot. I am so happy that I got this because I get to read so much more but at the same time I am not sure if this is such a good thing. I find myself reading more than anything else at the moment. Luckily there is not a lot to do around here because everyone is going to their farms to plant which I could go to help but that is just a really really long day and I am not really in the mood lately. I have decided that I really need to know when I am done here which I might have blogged about last time but I think this is going to put me and my mind back on track.
I spent all day yesterday making Christmas cards for all of my friends. I am really excited for the missionaries house. My friend says that it is like little America so I am really ecxcited and it will be nice to spend it with people and just hangout and play games. I really miss being home and playing games with everyone especially cards which is kind of weird I am not sure that I play that many games. Although I really do miss playing euckre and set back. But then again that just makes me also think of the cottage which I always miss.

December 20, 2011

I talked to Randi today and she told me that after the rain storm came last night 3 people were dead. Crazy. She said that they all had got swept away in the rain because it was raining so hard. But they all also had been drinking at the bar all night so that did not help them but still really scary. I honestly would never guess that could happen when there is not a flowing river involved. She also said that she cannot get out of her village at all because the roads are so bad. This makes me really happy that I am not where she is because I would be devastated if had to stay in the village for Christmas. But she wants to stay so it all
works out as it should I guess.

Also I made chocolate chip cranberry oatmeal cookies today and gingerbread cookies. They are actually all bars though because I was lazy which stinks because I really wanted to make ginger bread men but I did not want to wait for the charcoal to finally start going. Which by the way it did after 2 hours. Who has this kind of time? But I made cookies so tomorrow I am going to hand them out to the Jessicas and Talita and maybe a select other few but I am not sure who they are yet. I also made Christmas cards for them. Although I hope old J forgives me because I was suppose to go to her house almost everyday this week but did not because I was to lazy. I just do not feel like hanging out with tanzos at the moment which I know is not good but it just sounds like to much work and I would rather stay home and read my kindle. Which by the way at the moment I am hugely addicted too.

December 21, 2011

Happy first day of winter. I ran this morning and now can hardly move. I think my cross training workout yesterday really did me in. Luckily I have a few days to recover. But this also meant that I spent today lounging around the house. I think I have a problem I do not necessarily feel to depressed or anything I just cannot seem to get out and really do not feel like it to much at the moment. Most people are at their farms anyways. I don’t know.

So I had a women’s group meeting today and I could have killed all the ladies in it. They are all outraged about the chickens and what it really boils down to is that they do not want to take responsibility for the chickens. I could just scream they kept asking me more and more questions and I am pretty sure they could tell that I was frustrated. I just do not understand what they do not get. I am bringing more chickens because I still have not got them all yet and then they are going into the community. It is crazy, I never saw this as my problem. It is like they are scared to take responsibility for them which is weird because they have chickens at home but maybe it is like me and my research.